South Park: Revenge of the Sith
by Coloradoartist
Summary: Okay, this has some major language in it, especially the catfight scene so if you are offended by this or Star Wars harpooning than you probably shouldn't read. If it's okay, then feel free to continue. Please review though, pplleeeeaase.
1. A Normal Day in South Park...or is it? (...

A/N: Okay, this is a South Park fic (duh) and harpoons Star Wars royally. Don't get me wrong, I love Star Wars, but if you are offended by a Star Wars spoof or offensive language, then you probably shouldn't read this. Read on if you want thought, but you have been warned… (dun, dun, dun!!!) By the way, I do not own South Park or so forth and blah, blah, blah…you're smart, you get it. This is not completed by the way and there is more to come so please, uh….well, you get the idea\. So, please Read and Review, pleeeaasse….  
  
  
  
South Park: Revenge of the Sith  
  
Prologue: A not-so-long time ago, in a state not-too-far-from-here, an evil Sith hatched an evil plan to eliminate South Park for an industrial football stadium…for only the Chicago Bears!!!! The horror! Using his Dark Sith powers, he quested toward South Park, our eight-year-old heroes unaware of the oncoming danger.  
  
Darth Komodo whizzed through the cool Colorado air, the engine of his Land- Speeder roaring through the mountain atmosphere. Darth Komodo was Darth Maul's twin brethren, and had also gotten in a fight with a tattoo manager and lost, leaving the marks of red and black etched on his horned face.  
  
"Ha, ha, ha!" An evil laugh erupted from deep in his throat. "Soon, the Chicago Bears will have their own stadium, and I, Darth Komodo will rule South Park, and only I will sell the jumbo-sized hot dogs! Mwa, ha, ha!" His deep voice laughed as he zoomed through the Rocky Mountains, unaware of the turtle crossing into his path! "Ha, ha, ha!" He yelled as his bike advanced on the unexpecting turtle!  
  
Suddenly….WHAM! The turtle was flung through the air, landing on a large boulder, a hawk swooping down and grabbing it within seconds in its talons. The Land-Speeder flipped over and landed harshly on the rocky terrain as Darth Komodo was flung from his seat and into the air. BOOM! An explosion rang through the night air as the Land-Speeder connected with boulders, illuminating the dark sky. "Aw, God Dammit!" Darth Komodo yelled, getting up to his feet from his spot on the ground. "Not again! Screw you all turtles!!" He screamed angrily and some nearby turtles heard the order and began to do just that. Suddenly, the same hawk swooped down and grabbed one in its talons before swooping up to its nest.  
  
Darth Komodo hitched his knapsack over his shoulder and stuck out his thumb as he began to walk down the highway to South Park  
  
(scene to classroom)  
  
"Okay, children- settle down now." Mr. Garrison yelled through the noisy classroom as the ruckus continued without stop.  
  
"Dude, knock-it-off, Fat-Ass!" Kyle yelled to Cartman, who pompously ignored the order and smacked him in the head again, chuckling thickly. "Dude, you fagot!"  
  
"Really, I mean quiet!" Mr. Garrison yelled again, attempting to settle the hubbub once more.  
  
The commotion continued, Stan and Kenny laughing hysterically as Timmy began to scarf down paste, glue dribbling out of his mouth.  
  
"Blah, bl, bl, bul..Timmaay!" He yelled, paste flinging from his mouth and splattering on Butters.  
  
"Ee-ew, that's gross." Butters mumbled, wiping the glue from his face.  
  
"Shut your pie holes you filthy little bastards!!!" Mr. Garrison suddenly screamed above everyone, the uproar stopping immediately. "Now, I want everyone to seat in their seats and-" Mr. Garrison yelled, but before he could utter another word, the unmistakable ring of the bell echoed through the halls. "Oh, God Dammit!" Mr. Garrison yelled, clutching his head.  
  
"Heh, heh- sweet." Cartman chuckled.  
  
(lunchroom)  
  
Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny walked into the cafeteria, stopping to receive their school lunches.  
  
"Hello, Chef." Stan said, looking up at Chef as he spooned them out some food.  
  
"Why, hello children. How are you today?" Chef greeted them, handing all four of them lunch trays.  
  
"Pretty crappy, man." Cartman complained.  
  
"Hey, shut up, Fat-Ass!" Kyle scolded Cartman as they walked off to sit down and eat.  
  
"You shut up, Gay-wad!" He shot back as they found their seats.  
  
Kenny looked down to see what was on his plate. A jumbo-sized hot dog, how strange…Chef usually doesn't serve processed meat.  
  
"Hey, dudes- check it out!" Cartman told his friends.  
  
"What is it, Fat-Ass?" Stan and Kyle asked simultaneously as Cartman slid his hot dog out of its bun.  
  
"Yhhm, fft if mi fft-fss?" Kenny asked, slopping up a spoonful of applesauce.  
  
"Hey, guys. What does this look like?" Cartman asked, placing the hot dog high up between his two flabby legs and wobbling the dog.  
  
"Oh, god! You Gay-Wad!" Kyle yelled, punching him it the head when he realized what it meant.  
  
"AY!" Cartman yelled as he dropped the hot dog to the floor, mice instantly swarming over it.  
  
"Dude, you Frickin' Fagot!" Stan yelled kicking him in the nuts from underneath the table.  
  
"AY, YOU BASTARD!" Cartman yelled in pain.  
  
"Ohhmf, ffo ffckn bfftch!" Kenny yelled, attempting to punch Cartman but toppling over in his seat and onto the floor, Cartman beginning to laugh hysterically at this.  
  
Mice instantly began to swarm over Kenny as he yelled thickly for help within his orange coat. Within seconds, his head was ripped from his body and the mice skittered away with both.  
  
"OH, MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY!" Kyle shouted angrily, pointing at the mice.  
  
"YOU BASTARDS!" Stan ended.  
  
One of the remaining mice stood up on his hind legs and gave them the finger before fleeing off.  
  
"So," Cartman ended, thinking nothing of Kenny's death or the pool of blood on the floor. "Anyone want their hot dog?"  
  
"Nah, here you go, Fat-Ass." Stan said, handing his over to him.  
  
"Ahh, sweet." Cartman chuckled before putting it in his crotch again and getting punched onto the floor by Kyle and out of sight.  
  
"Ah, God! NO, no! Get off me you fuckin' rodents! No, No! God dammit!" Cartman yelled from the floor as mice began to horde and Stand and Kyle laughed from up in their seats. "YOU BASTARDS!!!!!"  
  
A/N: Just pretend it's commercials right now or something while I type up more. : ) Later all. 


	2. Komodo's Rampage, Cartman's Catfight, an...

"One Beer." Darth Komodo ordered, sitting down in a chair next to a man in an odd orange hat.  
  
"Hey, you." The man greeted Darth Komodo as a beer was slid into his tattooed hand. "Jimbo." He ended, extending his hand.  
  
"Darth Komodo." The Sith said, taking a swig of the beer and shaking the hand. Jimbo laughed loudly.  
  
"Ha! Darth Komodo! What the hell kind of name is that?"  
  
Darth answered this question with the lightsaber he whipped from his belt and ignited it.  
  
"HA!" Jimbo laughed again. "What kind of pussy carries a weapon like that when you could use this?" He laughed pulling out a pistol.  
  
Darth Komodo swung his lightsaber and the pistol flew out of his hands.  
  
"Oh, god." Jimbo whispered as Darth Komodo advanced on him and suddenly, Jimbo was thrown against the wall with Darth Komodo's force powers, blood splattered on the wall. Jimbo was dead.  
  
"Oh, my god!" Kyle's dad yelled, putting his beer on the table. "You killed Jimbo!"  
  
"You Bastard!" Stan's dad finished, throwing his beer at the Sith.  
  
Using his force, Darth Komodo froze the beer bottle in the air, as it hovered, Darth Komodo lashed his hand and the mug flew back and slammed into Stan dad's head, sending him flying over the bar counter, a mug embedded in his skull.  
  
A brawl broke out, the lightsaber flashed and tables were thrown through the air. Within minutes however, everyone inside of the remnants of the bar was dead, and only Darth Komodo lived.  
  
He switched off his lightsaber with a smile and pocketed it. Walking outside of the padded doors, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small packet.  
  
It was a paper packet and 'Roman' printed on the front with a picture of a roman gladiator. Darth Komodo ripped open the packet and threw it on the ground, and an object began to inflate from the packet!  
  
A futuristic battle tank emerged from the paper packet, and inflatable weapon! Darth Komodo smiled and hoisted himself up onto the tank, soon slipping off and falling back down onto the snowy ground.  
  
"Aw, Dammit!" He yelled from his spot on the ground.  
  
(scene cut to Cartman's house where Stan, Cartman, and Kyle are on the sofa)  
  
"Heh-heh. Dude," Cartman chuckled through his chubby mouth. "These new Extra Cheesy Cheezy Poofs kick ass, man."  
  
Suddenly, his cat leaped up onto his lap and began to sniff curiously at the cheesy snack.  
  
"No, Kitty. These are my Extra Cheesy Cheezy Poofs."  
  
"Meow."  
  
"No, Kitty! That's a bad Kitty!"  
  
"Meow." The Cat answered, leaning closer to the Tupperware bowl containing the Cheezy Poofs.  
  
"NO KITTY!! THAT'S A BAD KITTY!"  
  
"Meow." The cat grabbed the bowl in its mouth and bolted off the sofa and ran with the bowl.  
  
"AH, GOD DAMMIT! GET BACK HERE YOU BITCH ASS FURBALL WITH MY CHEEZY POOFS DAMMIT!" He yelled angrily and waddled off the sofa and fell onto his back.  
  
"NO, KITTY! THAT'S A BAD KITTY, YOU BITCHY FAGGAT CAT!" Cartman yelled, pushing himself up to his feet and waddling after his cat.  
  
Stan and Kyle chuckled before turning back to the television set, sounds of a scuffle and hissing and swearing in the background.  
  
"Pull my finger, Phillip!" The cartoon character on the television said, extending his finger.  
  
"Um, alright, Terrance." The flat character grabbed his companion's finger and pulled it off with a small pop, a loud, rude sound emitting from the speakers of the T.V. as the finger was pulled. The two on the screen began to laugh hysterically in union with Kyle and Stan as Cartman rolled into view on the floor, his cat scratching furiously at his face.  
  
"YOU GOD DAMN FUZZHOLE!" Cartman screamed angrily.  
  
Suddenly, a new image zapped onto the screen, revealing a city in flames with an odd character in a futuristic tank, blowing up anything in sight. A reporter stood before the scene with a microphone in hand.  
  
"The city is in ruins!" He said frantically into the microphone. "This character who calls himself 'Darth Komodo' is destroying the city to make room for…I can barely mention it…a Chicago Bears football stadium!" He barely had time to utter a word before Darth Komodo blasted a shot from his cannon at the reporter, sending him careening into the air and splattering against the lens.  
  
"NOOO!" Stan screamed, looking up at the ceiling, Kyle soon following.  
  
Cartman suddenly sat up and his cat flew through the air, and into the lamp. "Yeah! That'll teach you to steal my Extra Cheesy Cheezy Poofs you God Damn Shitty Screwball! I'll see you in hell Furball!" The barely alive cat raised its burnt paw in the form of a fist and shook it weakly at Cartman.  
  
"Oh, yeah! Well, take this Butt-Pipe!" Cartman yelled, giving him the finger and hopping up on the couch, face scratched and bleeding. "What's up guys? What's the matter?"  
  
"Dude, some guy is gonna decimate the town to make room for a Chicago Bears football stadium!" Kyle informed him.  
  
"That God Damn Bastard! We gotta stop him!" Cartman gasped.  
  
"Noomf Duuhf fft-ffss!" A voice said. It was Kenny.  
  
"Kenny! You're alive!" Stan yelled, hopping down from the couch.  
  
"Dude, what the hell happened? Weren't you dead from those furry-ass rats?"  
  
"Mmmf, mmf ummf." Kenny answered, shrugging his shoulders. Suddenly, he reached behind him and pulled out four small handles. He pressed a small button on one and a strange, glowing laser bursted from the hilt. It was a lightsaber.  
  
"Kenny, how sweet, dude." Stan congratulated him, taking one.  
  
Kenny handed each Cartman and Kyle a lightsaber, who each ignited theirs instantly.  
  
"Hey dudes. Check it out." Cartman told his friends and placed his lightsaber in front of his crotch. "Was does this look like?"  
  
Kyle smacked Cartman in the head angrily.  
  
"Ay! God Dammit you Screwy Asshole!" Cartman yelled, dropping his lightsaber to the floor. 


	3. The End (thankfully)

Kenny, Stan, Kyle, and Cartman walked up to the bus stop, all dressed in their realistic Jedi attire, Kenny's orange hood still on.  
  
"Dude, let's kick some Darth Komodo ass, man." Kyle said to no one unparticular, igniting his lightsaber.  
  
"Mmmf uumfff tff nff lff." Kenny answered.  
  
"So, I see someone his here to oppose me." A deep voice said before them. Darth Komodo sit in his battle tank as it hovered a few feet off of the pavement.  
  
"You're going down Darth Komodo!" Stan yelled, grabbing his lightsaber.  
  
"Yeah, man." Cartman countered. "You don't think that you can just come in here and cause all this ruckus creating Chicago Bear football stadiums and all. So," He flashed his lightsaber and Kenny ignited his as well. "We're gonna kick your god Damn, Mother Fucking, Bitchy Ass to hell where you came from bastard."  
  
"Actually I came from Tattooine." Darth Komodo corrected him.  
  
"Shut up, Butt-Pipe!!!!!" Cartman yelled furiously.  
  
"Oh, well." Darth Komodo sighed. "I guess I'll just destroy you now." Suddenly, a high-pitched whirring noise came from within the cannon's turrets.  
  
"Oh god, man! What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die!" Stan suddenly yelled.  
  
"Not if I can help it!" Cartman yelled and suddenly snatched up Kenny from the ground.  
  
"Mmmf ffm tff ummf!" Kenny yelled, flailing helplessly.  
  
"One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and uh…well, here goes." He ended and with a grunt hurled Kenny through the air.  
  
"MMMMMMFFF!" He yelled as he soar the sky.  
  
WHAM! Kenny landed in Darth Komodo's turret, just before he could shoot. BLAM! An explosion filled the air as the turret exploded into shards of shrapnel, as did Kenny.  
  
"OH, MY GOD! YOU KILLED KENNY…AGAIN!" Kyle yelled, a shocked look upon his face.  
  
"Yeah, but I saved our sorry asses, man." Cartman assured him.  
  
"Yeah, hey, sweetness."  
  
"DAMMIT!" Komodo yelled as he stepped from the broken tank.  
  
"Prepare to die, Darth Komodo!" Stan yelled, wielding his lightsaber.  
  
Darth Komodo ignited his lightsaber and twirled it as he glared at them.  
  
"No wait!" Kyle yelled as he pocketed his lightsaber and stepped forward. "You see, Darth Komodo, we learned something today. Even though we don't like the Chicago Bears, you do. We should respect that, and you should respect us. But, you came in here and destroyed our town just so you could have your stadium. Maybe you could learn to agree with others, Mr. Komodo."  
  
Darth Komodo broke down, crying. "You're right. I shouldn't have been so selfish. I'll stop this instant."  
  
"Really?" Stan asked hopefully.  
  
"No." Darth Komodo ended shortly.  
  
"BITCH!" Cartman yelled as Darth Komodo swung his lightsaber for their necks.  
  
  
  
A/N: Well, what did you think? This was fun to do and is not my best writing, honest. But if you could still Review I'd really appreciate it. Thanks. 


End file.
